Here is it...

So my concerns that's Zoladex treatment had brought on the real menopause, ended up being unfounded. With the appearance today of my first bleed since the end of my course which ended in May. Somewhat late in arriving. But now it is here I know where I stand.
Now I know that the treatments and the surgeries made no good whatsoever. The pain I currently have has gone through the roof. I have been sick, I have upset stomach and the bleed is horrid. I really am feeling so very low.
I hate the way that Endo has made me feel like my body is not my own any more. Like I do not own my own body or indeed have any control over it in the slightest. It seems that no matter what I do... It makes no difference. Nothing seems to ease the pain.

I need to remain focused and continue to be strong...

Sponsor me???

Not long now peeps, until I run 5k in the Big Fun Run. I am running in the name of Endometriosis UK. I am looking to raise as much as possible, so I would really love if you would sponsor me. This charity does amazing things and the more we raise the more women can be helped.

My page is at: www.justgiving.com/Andrea-Hearn

As little or as much as you can spare. Everything makes a difference.

Love to you all. X x x

Good news!!..... But.....

Well, I had some good news this week. Which was actually great to hear!! I attended a job interview for a home working position... I had to travel great lengths to get to the interview, which is indeed somewhat ironic for a home working position!! :-)
But, nonetheless I was contacted the next day to be offered the job! However, there is a down side. As I have mentioned before... I am hoping to start college and train to become a counsellor - I want to specifically work with the women who suffer with Endo. I can get funding for these courses, because of my ESA benefit, but only if I do work of under 16 hours. They want me to work 20! And I am stuck as to what to do I really am...

It is my great dream to become a counsellor, and I think I could really make such a difference to the lives of so many women... And so because of this I do not think I can accept the position. I have requested that I work less hours, the decision is with them. I shall have to wait and see what they say.

Fingers crossed!!

Xxx

An update on my surgery....

Well, one and all - it has been a while since I last wrote on my blog - I have been somewhat lax... I underwent yet another Lap surgery a few weeks ago. 6 months after my last lap...
I was really hoping that this surgery would be the one to get me back onto the road of reovery and enable me to get some of my life back in the way that it was before. Alas, that was not to be the case...
My surgery was scheduled as a day case, and the hope was that the endo that was there would have reduced with the 7 months of zoladex I was put onto again, making things easier to remove. The plan was to laser it all away - pack me on my way and get recovering.
Things however - were a lot worse than we all believed they would be. My uterus was stuck to my pelvis first and foremost and so it hat to be unstuck - a very painful experience indeed!! Waking up to being on a morphine drip scared the hell out of me and I really thought that must mean that some serious work had been done. Oh how I wish... My endo is now deep infiltrated, and has continued to worsen whilst on the zoladex, they were unable to remove the endo. I need excision of the endo as opposed to just the laser removal and I am also in need of a bowel resection, as the endo had greatly damaged my bowel function. Which I have greatly experienced for the last 2 years. I am being referred to an excision specialist where I will have to under go a laparotomy and bowel resection. At present I dont know how long this referral will be and when I am to anticipate this next lot of surgery.
I was heartbroken when I saw my gynae following the op - so much faith had been put into this operation, and my faith was dashed. This is another reason it has taken me a while to update my blog, as I have been trying to come to terms with everything and process it all. My plans are somewhat on hold.....
I have been given an appointment with the pain clinic and i cannot wait for this!! I am hoping that they will be able to give me some pain relief that will enable me to function and be able to do more than I currently am. So fingers crossed for this!!
I will keep going and keep strong, putting faith in my team of doctors and that things will get better. I have to believe they will.... I will always have hope. x x

My First Reiki Experience:

This week, I went to go and see a dear friend of mine who performs reiki healing. During this time of my illness and my treatment I am willing to try anything and go into things with a very open mind indeed.

I had never had hands on reiki before – but Kalie had performed distance reiki on me a few months back. And the results of that were quite amazing.

For the distant session I was required to lie down and home and relax and, allow myself to switch off and remain calm and quiet. With Kalie her sending me healing vibes I guess you could call it. Kalie was able to tap into symptoms that I was suffering with that I had not previously told her about. She felt the sickness I was getting, the nausea that was constantly there and also the very specific location of pain I was experiencing on a day to day basis. When the reiki was being performed I could literally sense the healing being sent to me. My sickness that night was totally removed. It was in fact the first time in about 3 months that I had not been sick. This all in all was an astonishing result and to be honest, not one that I was expecting at all.

Based on this and my own need to do all I can to help my own medical condition I agreed to see Kalie one to one for some hands on healing. This, I was very much looking forward to indeed.

Before the session begins, Kalie asks what it was I wanted to get out of the session and what I mainly wanted to achieve – for me it was about relaxation and being able to deal with the pain. If my pain levels were indeed reduced at all that would be a bonus. So, I don’t feel I went into it expecting huge things.

Kalie wanted to focus on my head area and then feel where she was drawn to heal. It is a hand’s on process – and I was fine with this. I do not have an aversion to being touched at all. And if it was to get the results that I experienced last time – then I was definitely game.

The session began with my lying on the treatment bed. Very comfortable I must say! Curtain drawn, soothing music played and incense burnt – the entire scene was set and I was in the correct frame of mind to begin.

The key here is to relax yourself and to let your mind become open – and this is what I did and I am grateful for it – as the experience was second to none.

As Kalie’s hands were placed on my head I could feel the warmth coming through from them. Warmth, that rippled through my body and settled in certain areas. From this point I was totally relaxed and totally engaged in the experience.

Without someone experiencing it for themselves it somewhat hard to describe… but I will try. I felt as if my entire mind was being cleansed. As if my mind was being massaged, washed and totally cleansed. From here my mind was so open that I began to visualise many things. These stemmed from bright colours of yellow, orange and green hues to shapes. Mainly I saw circles, and three dimensional diamonds spinning on an axis. I also envisioned scenes that I have never experienced myself and yet these images were coming to the forefront of my mind. Snap shot images of an elderly woman, a family on the beach – but not seeing the faces just literally the feet running around having fun. The images were serene and relaxing. Every image I saw flowed through from one into another quite naturally and smoothly. My mind almost eager with anticipation as to what I was going to experience next. I put this experience down to the healing and the cleansing that Kalie was able to send through into me.

At times I could sense myself naturally pulling away from the trance like state I was experiencing – and I was alerted to this by my breathing. The moment I became aware of my breathing I had to relax myself again and draw myself back into the healing state.

The heat that I felt from Kalie’s hands was felt in my own hands even though they were not the subject of attention. It was an incredible feeling. The warmth radiated through my head in a soothing way in into my back which is one of my main areas of pain.

When Kalie focused on my stomach area – which is another of my areas mainly affected with the pain – I could sense her drawing the badness and the pain out of my body. It was almost as if she was having a tug of war with my body. My body wanting so much to hold on to the badness and then Kalie literally at the other end of the rope pulling it away. As things progressed I could feel almost a ball in my abdomen that gradually got smaller and smaller as Kalie pulled more out of my body.

At the end of session I felt really enlightened and invigorated from the experience. The main effect that I clearly felt was on my mind – it literally had been washed and dried and was in a new state from whence it started. I felt a renewed focus and a new ability to see things with clarity that over the time I have been dealing with my illness has gotten clouded.

Kalie debriefs after the session and explains things that she felt about me and what feelings and emotions she was able to pick up on… of which were spot on. Feelings that I keep hidden from the populace and yet she was able to see through this and get right to my core and understand me. She is able to give great advice on how to heal yourself from an emotional aspect and how at times you need to focus on yourself. This for me is an aspect I always fall down on… I help others before I help myself. Frome here on in I will ensure that I take the time out for myself and work on my inner self.

The entire time that I was with Kalie and in her presence I did not experience a single hot flush – which considering with my treatment they occur every 10 minutes was a huge difference. What will stay with me long term is the focus that I now have and what I can do to help myself with my illness and how my emotions play a bit part to my coping and dealing. Also the fact that I am able to have such a positive and spiritual experience has shown me that there are avenues out there away from medication to aid in my recovery and help me to deal on a day to day basis.

Reiki with Kalie is now a process that I will continue with – even past my recovery……

A new motivation...

Well, this weekend I have attended the information event held my the Endometriosis UK charity. And what a weekend it has been. Very tiring. But I have enjoyed every moment of it.

I loved being able to meet so many women going through the similar situations - but different at the same time. All women supporting one another. And the strength of all of them is astounding.

There were different sections on endo, discussing the condition itself. Pain management, surgery and the different treatment options available too. Even being 10 years diagnosed I still found out so much. It really was a someway overwhelming weekend.

I have never been surrounded by so many women suffering with Endo. It was something that held me in awe for a few hours.

I have found a renewed strength and focus on my mission to raise awareness and fundraise and to he both guide as support the ladies out there suffering with this condition.

It was a very humbling weekend. One I would recommend to anyone!!

Xx

Anxiety:

This week has really been so very full on... that I was hardly surprised that I suffered an anxiety attack. I have not had one for about 6 months... and it was a very bad one indeed. My entire body tensed, I was shaking, I was sick, hot and cold sweats, heart palpatations... the whole show. Followed by not being able to sleep for a very long time after - despite feeling exhausted.

I used to suffer with them an awful lot, and previously have been on Propranolol for them. However, because my Amitriptyline is now such a high dosage and the Propranolol doasge is also high... I cannot take them together... So, I pretty much had to ride out the storm. With cold flannels, ice water and anti semetics... All in all not too bad. I should have listened to the warning sign migraine on Monday - but me being me.. Powers on through as ever.

I awoke this morning feeling really sore and stiff and my muscles were aching terribly, so my resolve today was to remain at home and rest as my body is crying out of it. I havent been particulary over active, i thought. But each day is coming with a task that is somewhat taxing on my body.. hospital appointments, doctors, dentist etc etc... All of thee activities build up.. Until my body just says NO MORE!! And that is what happens yesterday. The rest of my weeks is pretty full on... So today is about me!!